guess no ones following my blog,
to see new post day by day le since I have stop blogging for monthss le bah :)
yes, I've been abadoned my blog for YEARS :D
I miss the days when I used to write.
theres oways something special for me to write of,
someone to read of.
which everything seems to be so different now..
once upon a time.
everything went so nice and memorable especially in my form 4 life.
I thank God that I know you,
and I always have people who always being by my side.
viewing back the pictures in fb,
viewing back every single status of the dates last year...
everything happened like it just happened yesterday.
I'm now Form 5 and soon graduate.
what makes my life different is just you who became a stranger.
hmph, a familiar stranger :)
thanks for being a nice friend before she appears.
looking at the chatbox.
12am what will happen.
and its like almost everyday the same.
I accept. it's the fact.
they said,
My attitude, the way I'm being myself.
is too hard to be accepted.
oh yea?
I'm sorry,
I really do not know how to be myself if I don behave like how I used to be.
you're not suppose to see a girl oways raising her legs up to kick people,
laughing frantically with an ugly and gila face,
shouting screaming like a sakai in the class and.
so so so so on.
I'm not as soft as others.
and I do not know how.
I dislike wearing dress,
for me I like everything casual.
I really hope,
someone will find me special,
started appreciate and know my good :')
I know I'm still young for the one to appear.
and my desire might make me met the fake and the one who will ruin my future.
so.
I know,
I just need to be patient.
it's the feeling,
when you have something nice and you can't find the suitable person to share.
it's the feeling,
when you feel sad and wanted to tell him badly but you can't.
it's the feeling,
seeing the convo between us becoming more and more strange.
as I said,
girls are sensitive.
and it ouches me so much for everything happened.
what I wan isn't anything so unbearable, so unacceptable.
but just the normal days tat we used to be last year.
they said,
people who oftenly chat,
will have many coincidences happened between them.
and we had before.
didn't even notice it till I reminisce back.
and guess,
now it's happening between you both.
good luck! :)
Thank God the feeling faded,
with the lies, the way you ignore,
and the changes happened.
and also the funny actions taken by her.
She's shy,
yet the actions that she can do simply amazed me to think her as a shy and naive one.
Shes indeed cute,
in so many ways where I find her special too..
they said,
Im too NORMAL that I have nothing much to be explored,
to be found out the things hidden by me.
oh yeah,
well-saying...
and it makes me lost and do not know how to find the specialities of mine..
so I have to become more rude, more tough.
to let people feel the freshness when I've changed.
am I being like this? I don't know. :')
blog,
I'm coming back since I've lost someone to confide my feelings out.
my feeling, my thinking, the things happened.
Couldn't really find someone to talk about.
I just know,
whenever I wanted to click on his picture to open a chat box,
somethings will tell me,
'' if he wanna find you, he will. ''
'' don't be a girl who need someone, be a girl who everyone needs '' .
everything I saw she did for you,
every night I saw both of you online,
I will tell myself.
I have been replaced.
have you ever noticed?
difference between last year and this year...
or you're just enjoying so much with her.
SINCE my bday and I realized
and no one willing to believe.
until that day everyone notices. =)
first time,
feeling so lost for the bad things happened.
cried when celebrating fren's bday,
and when I got back home,
I got no one to chat with except my lovely didi..
Thank God hes still willing to listen to me.
I should feel happiness around me.
Friends appreciate and care of me more.
Mommy even know my heart pains for that.
I have to repeat,
what I want is just the things last year happened again.
No gap, no strange feeling between us.
and more and more coincidence to happen.
the reason Im suffering,
guess so its because Im not loving myself enough,
and even GOD and JESUS. :')
whenever I can't fall asleep,
what I will thinking will be they both.
I dare not to tell anyone,
which this gonna annoyed so many people.
and I seriously dowan them to find me annoying.
I will let go,
and definitely will not let you to affect my study,
no one is gonna ask you to sleep earlier,
to study,
hmph. nothing much.
cause is just you who listens to me bah? :'))
finding you to chat,
is just making you busy and reply her msg late.
finding you to chat,
is just making you to doubt of what am I thinking.
finding you to chat,
is like making you to have idea to talk with me and not making me feel something.
I can met a better one,
a taller one,
a more handsome one,
a fatter one,
someone who can gv me protection,
and another good listener.
I will.
I just have to wait.
and LET GO everything we've been through.
I'm sorry,
for you is nothing.
for me is everything.
you might find me disgusting,
it's okay.
I might find myself childish nx time too :)
AND I WILL EVEN REGRET THINKING OF YOU WHEN SPM IS APPROACHING.
AND I WILL EVEN REGRET TAKING CARE OF SOMEONE WHO BEING IGNORANT TO ME.
AND I WILL EVEN REGRET OF THE ONE I LOVED BEFORE AND SILLY BEFORE.
AND I WILL EVEN REGRET ON CANT BEING INDEPENDENT WHICH MAKE ME HAVE A BAD HABIT WHICH IS YOU!!
let go and let let go!
I do not deserve to be hurted again and again by finding you to chat,
having the informatio between both of you.
I deserve something and someone better.
and yea,
I gonna go my own way,
and still be the one I am.
and yea,
Im gonna make myself prettier,
without changing the way I oways behave and so on.
who am I?
ah Jun.
the one who can't bear the silence.
the one who always laugh and like to be called as sakai.
classmates.
thanks that I have you all.
yeow, jing wen, tat hong, eva and ching yew.
thanks for willing to listen to me and keep the secret for me.
I'm silly for the way I was.
and I know, I'm too silly to wait at 12am to see they both on.
and I know, I'm too suffer to purposely off at 12am or may be use phone at 12am just dowan to see the chatbox who's online-ing.
I'm sorry for my sillyness.
and teng yii,
thanks for knowing when Im really being sakai and laughing,
you know when Im really not stable which make me laugh abnormally and even serious den a sakai.
I'm sorry that I oftenly annoyed you.
thanks that I have you all :)
Chyi <3,
thanks for being my side,
comforting me whenever I need you.
teaching me ways to let go him and not to think of him.
I'm glad I have a close friend like you for years.
and I finally know your pain :')
I love you,
thanks for accepting the way I am.
and still being friend with me though I've betrayed you before.
Kai Ru,
thanks for phoning me when I need you.
talk about me and him and learn me your ears.
mine did not have any good result,
and I wish yours have something good happen soon :)
I will pray for you :D
Zen Yee, my good didi too :))
knowing my feeling after knowing they going for trip together.
online and ask how am I.
I'm feeling touch for this :)
glad to be your jie jie and have a didi like you :)
it seems a didi take care of me more den a jie jie take care of a didi :))
mommy too,
'' very pain ar? ''
this sentences almost make me cry..
she accepts my story and comfort me..
this is just puppy love she said.
heh, its true.
AND I DON'T EVEN WANNA TO START A RELATIONSHIP AT ALL
I'm weird.
I just like being special friends :D
and what I have to do,
is just don affect my studies anymore :)
GOD,
I LOVE YOU.
AND I WILLING TO BELIEVE ON YOU.
I WISH MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS WILL BE BLESSED.
AND I WILL SOON LET GO EVERYTHING.
SLOWLY I KNOW,
BUT I SURE WILL!! :))
i need a better man,
to right one..
I know when God doesn't give me something,
HE will offer me something better :)
AMEN! :)
TRYING MY BEST TO SACK YOU OUT FROM MY LIFE.
I DOWAN YOU TO BE MY HABIT ANYMORE.
IT'S NOT A GOOD HABIT AT ALL.!!
GOODBYE!
