future.

I thought of this.

after SPM,
apa mau buat?

used to have a lot of ambition when I was young.
now?
seems NONE.

people says,
one who don hv any aim will not ever success.

sigh sigh sigh,
was not worrying in past few years,
but now I am facing SPM,
and after SPM.
everything seems blank for me.
don't you feel that?
if you do feel so,
meaning u're in the same situation as me :/

if can,
I rather forever sit for SPM.
but, everyone's life is to move forward but not staying there.
so what to do?
I'm blank,
seriously.

have a nice result in SPM,
so what?
one who get no A,
one who get straight As.
both of them went to the same college/ uni.
what's the point actually?
to get scholarship,
for one year.
after that?

How I will be like 10 years after?
Watching friends getting richer?
watching friends on their way to success?
and I'm envying?
I down to. :(


God,
lend me a hand.
tell me what I should do :(

studying like hell now,
not knowing ur aim, ur ambition.
what for?
everyone tend to fight for the EXAM.
but not their dream,
am I correct?
so after the EXAM,
you get straight As,
more As then others.
den?
yea, can tell people ur result proudly,
after one month?
or few weeks after?
everything back to normal.
and you find urself lost again...

17 years old,
not even SPM to think of,
but also ur future to think of.
people,
17 years old isn't that young d.
even it's still considered as teens,
but it will be different as the one who can still go to school nx year.

again,
I wanna say.
appreciate ur schooling day.
be thankful that,
u still can wake up early for school,
wearing uniform to school,
chat with buddies in school.
after this,
u'll miss it so much.
even school give you so much of sucks memories,
you still have to appreciate.


yea,
I will still strike hard for SPM,
even it seems quite pointless :/
and also trying my best to find the aim, the goal.
I pray I pray and I pray.

God, do lend me a hand.
you know me more den myself.
when there's a will, there's a way.
problem is no will,
how to get the way?

lead me along my way,
I dowan to rely to anyone.
I just want to work for myself.
am able to take care of my parent,
give them the best that I can,
I pray I pray and I still pray.

stay tough stay strong.
there's still plenty of things waiting for me to confuse about.
it's impossible to have NONE obstacles in your life.
I might collapse one day,
but still,
after collapsing, I have to brace up.
this is life.
everyone's life.
just see how colourful will it be,
and it's painted by urself.

not miracles don't happen,
is you do not want to create it.


just,
take a deep breath,
get prepared for the journey of the life.
:)

:)

stay there.
don move to anywhere :)
there's people for you.
believe me :)


i'm thinking this for 2 days.
I swear I did.
anyway,
I apologize if I did something like dis.
I dono what I've done.
if u're that sure that I'm the one and it's not a misunderstanding,
okay, I'm very sorry for that to happen.


u've done ur best.
but the people around u aren't the best. :)
agree?


or may be I didnt care about ur feeling.
I'm sorry.
that's my mistake.


but I swear,
I'm feeling sad and dono what to do when the result revealed.
and it's kinda unfair too.


if it's my fault,
and I did something so so SO SERIOUS.
den I do really feel sorry about it.


u're tired, I'm too :)

that's the life-less things who ends it.
so let it be, let it go :)
take care ;)

let it be, let it go.

God who knows how's it.
I'm the one who knows how it feels.
yea,
in this week.
finally know that,
I'm always the transparent one.


somehow,
I seriously hope that,
someone can know my feeling.
even I did not tell anyone,
like sometimes I know others too..
not you, but others.
sigh.


if our hearts are attaching,
u'll know how I feel and I will know yours.
too bad,
I haven't find any.


friend says,
is time for me to live for myself.
is time for me to put myself more important than others.
mommy says,
sometimes have to think about urself too.
again,
saying is easy.
I've the feeling to do what I feel like doing,
so I have to stop myself?
idk :(


I'm out.
totally out from every places that I wish to be in.
I've been sacked out.
and it's seriously tired for me return back again,
I have no right to stop others..
or I should say,
No one is perfect,
it's time for me to look further,
to look for the different result.


I'm the one who fail myself :)
I wouldn't blame anyone.
it's actually my fault.
don't ask for others to take care of me and understand me more.
don't hope too much that I'm oways the most important one for them.
I'm not qualified :)
let the one who enjoy to be with me,
continue with me.
and let the one who wanna leave,
let them leave,
even it's with my super bad feeling for tat things to be happened.


make sure,
it's not a misunderstanding.
and that's fine for me.
take care :')


true.
I just look pathetic if keep on demanding for others to understand me.
thanks God, thanks mommy.
the closest one with me,
and lead me in my way :')

don't simply guess what this post is about.
u might misunderstand about me.
thank you.

:'(

why can't girls live for themselves.
girls were born to satisfy every guy?

why?



why is everyone making us so freaking hard to be confident?



we're just living for ourselves.
appreciating whateva god had given to us.
do not complain and trying not to have the inferiority feeling again n again.
why u all force us to have it again.
it does make u feel better?
it's so important for u eventhough u don even know me?


no one will ever think of other's feeling before they spoke.







or may be.
that's the fact,
which we should have accepted it.

I wish,
that will be a day which every girl can raise their head up.
but when was it? :'(

the end of the holidays D:

hey!
am back to have my last post by the end of the holiday.
aww,
sadnya.
tomorrow school reopening D:
and homework, stresses, school activities and tuition.
hectic life begins again!!
and i'll be always prepared for the exams.
and at last SPM!
hohohoho den I'm graduated..
so fast huh. :(
last time I was just form 1.
aw, better say I was a baby =3=

the last year in my secondary school.
I'll seriously appreciate it =)
I'm 17 years old this year!
FORM 5 :O
last time oways feel that Form 5 very big very old jor.
now, I'm Form 5 =.=
it's kinda incredible.. :(

the only thing who can flies without aerofoil or wings,
it's will be the TIME.
as they said,
Time and tide waits for no man. :/

I can only appreciate everything I have now.
as time passes by,
I'm sure I'll regret for not appreciating it.

forgotten to wish you all.
HAPPY NEW YEAR :D
and it's 2011.
one more year to the end of the year, 2012.
don care so much,
as long as it's now 2011.
2012 thingy shud be worried nx year :P
and I pray that it may not happen.
I wish. :(
even it really happens,
no matter how will it be,
I just wish my family will be with me. :)

Slept at 5am last night.
woke up at ten smth or nine something?
yea, I'm still sleepy.
but I just hope that tonite can sleep earlier and easier to fall asleep.
what am I doing till this late?
well, NOT FB.
am completing my sejarah note and question book D:
Choose to recopy everything,
for me to study easier this year.
and what I pay off is my time and energy AND ALSO pen ink.
lol.
I do hope that it seriously worth it :(

after today,
I will try my best.
to avoid fb and pc :O
well again,
saying is easier den doing =3=.
I hope it really successful.
actually fb tak de apa-apa nice =3=,
keep on refreshing the home page and wait for new update jek.
I wonder why am I so addicted to it sometimes D:

anyway,
all the best to me and to YOU.
have a nice year 2011.
may my wish come true,
may my plan for myself goes well.
especially in my piano exam and my studies.

gambateh! :D

:S

now only I know,
I will just hurt myself once I care of someone too much.

now only I know,
one who treats me good will become lesser as time passes by.

now only I know,
you might or might not get some redound from the person you're being good to.
yet the one u oways neglected,
are the one who attach importance to you.

now only I know,
one's attitude will has so much difference.

now only I know,
when u're moody,
and 've spoken out something bad,
you couldn't ask ppl to understand you.
they ain't your parent.
see how important ur parent is.

now only I know,
two people who always be together,
not really considered as best friend,
or may be there's no special relation between them.

now only I know,
handphone is to let ppl to find you only when they need you,
but not to strengthen the relationship or friendship.

now only I know,
how big difference between the reality and ur own thinking..

now only I know,
I'm growing up and not longer the small kiddo,
have to get use to everything.

now only I know,
the one that considered as a best friend,
might not be the really best sometimes.

now only I know,
without the determination and patience,
u'll fail for everything.

now only I know,
how important is it to have someone to company by my side.

now only I know,
I don't really believe in forever.

now only I know,
there's lot of thing happening out of ur expectations.

now only I know,
the more perfect you demand for,
the more you can't done it well.

now only I know,
tears, being emo,
seriously doesn't solve anything.

now only I know,
people used to think that they're not actually tough,
because they need someone to understand them more.

now only I know,
when u're so alone and got no one to chat to,
u can only ask '' doing wad '' to those who not really close to you.

now only I know,
I find 1am is too early to have a nice sleep..

now only I know,
I really hate to regret on something I've not done.



now only I know,
I got better now -.-
and I wonder what happened just now.
and now seems the bad feeling back again.
sry, I dono what I'm talking -.-



sigh.

eH!
I've been a long time didnt upload my perasan pic >.<
pai seh larrr XD,
camera tak de battery after the last day of schooling,
as you noe who am I,
saya memang sangat lazy :D
do you noe,
how long my phone was abandoned by me :)?
i wonder too, about 4 days?
hmph.
yea,
out of battery again.
tapi ada credit larrr..
to those who everytime cant call me,
pai seh lorhx!
later I go charge lar okay? XD

well,
am gonna put my perasan pics.
picSSSS arh :)
all same shirt >.<
taken today XD
those who find me disgusting,
tolong click the X and leave :D
I wont give any damn about it,
bcuz I got no interest on you ;D



ready?
heee :D


've been a long time tak act cute!
muahahahhaha.
not dare to put on fb,
later all critic on me =.=
so I put here :D
you go no right to stop me from posting it XD
ini blog saya
bluehhh :D

sorry if I really fail in acting cute >.<

fringe ar fringe,
waiting you grow longer :D

love this :)

the difference between with and without spec :)

big head :O

it's original :D
I don't edit picture :)



finished :O
got mood surely will take again XD
I'm actually perasan,
and my personality different with wad u've seen from the pic arh.
I'm not soft one,
but the clumsy and rude one.. XD
and a klutz :D

anyway,
I considered it as a special thing of me :P
live with my own style :)


one more. :D
nak recommend you all something,
promotion time :O

people,
if you found this handfree in pasar malam,
buy it and use bah..
I'm using this,
very useful XD
in white, quite nice one :)
RM10 jek :O
very convinient too :)





gtg :)
mommy suffering from illness :(
may God cure her as soon as possible :(
hate to see her suffering :/



wait for my next post yea :D

sigh

and.

I thought before,
I touched before,
I got feeling before.

and.

I miss before,
I moody before,
I need you before.

and.

I smile before,
I laughed before.
I enjoyed it before..



when things coming to an end,
it will be ended.
when feeling is going to be faded down,
it will be faded..
everlasting is actually fake.
or may be it last,
but feeling, everything gonna be very very different.

and at last,
everything is gonna be summarized into memories.


i'm naive actually,
so seriously.


no one is perfect,
and also few people wanna be the better one.
or it's when you hurt someone,
only you will change.

an advice.
find a true friend,
more than having a big big gangs of friends.
u'll never know how pathetic you are,
until u met troubles,
until something happened out of ur expectations.


let bygone be bygone.
true :)
yet,
from word to deed is actually a big big SPACE.
saying is oways easier den doing it.

R.I.P Alviss Kong..

emo.. :(

whenever I on for fb,
his news appear again and again.
those like pages, videos, comments etc.
I've no idea why will moody bcuz of the video..
or may be I'm just emo-ing again? :(

guess everyone knows that news,
seriously hope that his family and the girl will be fine..
and god bless his mom too who hvn't knew about the tragedy happened :(

he just did what he promised before,
he'll love her till the moment he dies.
and he really did it.
isit the so called power of love?

yea.
for you, u die majestically.
because of love. :)
but. how about ur family and the one u love deeply ?
u got the braveness to suicide,
but u don hv the braveness to survive..
frankly,
you even drag ur love one to hell..
ur dead is her biggest shadow in her life ever.
I noe,
it's not easy to continue ur life after being hurted.
ever heard of '' every cloud has a silver lining '' ?
It is always possible to get something positive out of a situation,
no matter how unpleasant,
no matter how difficult
or
even how painful it might seem.
if everyone die bcuz of the obstacles in life..
many people will go suicide,
and no one will achieve.

Alviss Kong,
I wonder are you suffering now :(
I really hope God can forgive you :(
Please don't be so silly anymore in ur next life.
I've never ever seen any guy like you..
hope u can really rest in peace..

may be I don't really understand ur situation,
but I really hope that,
you can think of ur family and ur ex.
how much hurt u gave to them?
and ur mommy? :(

this is not the first time u attempt suicide,
for ur first ex,
u did silly things like this too.
lucky ur frens had stop you..
but this time,
they tot it was a prank..
they took it as a joke,
and don't give any damn about it.
sigh sigh sigh,
if they concerned about it,
if they informed his dad to becareful with him,
I think this tragedy will not be happened D:

things ad happened,
it's useless for me to talk so much.
I didn't feel angry for the guy,
I just feel wasted and not worth it :(
This incident isn't a fashion at all.
Hope so there will not be another case similar as this.
there is still many people wish for longer lifespan,
to enjoy everything in this world..
think of ur family, ur lovely frens....
please :(

love, is in all aspects.
it's not only the feeling between guy and gurl..
bare in mind on this please.

and the girl,
may be people blaming you right now,
but I don't..
no one did wrong in this case..
shouldn't be blaming anyone for this,
I can ensure that the girl have been few days didnt rest well.
and her eyes probably swelling for crying everyday.
I don't think so she's enjoying for his left.
I just wish that,
she can brace up,
and turn over a new leaf..
I support you....
Hope you'll be alright.. :(

and his family,
take care urself..
and pray for his mommy,
who dono anything about this. :(
my heart is in pain now :(


love,
I don hope to say it's a murderer. :(


it should be something nice, sweet and memorable.


people,
treasure your love one.
please.

failed T.T

somehow,
I wish I've a shoulder for me to lean on..
somehow,
I wish I've muscular chest for me to cry on..

again,
no one could chat with me.
feeling so so so depress :'(
i'm crying again..

today,
right now..
i should be viewing the video which completed by me..
Receiving the complimenting comments from others..
Ying ying cry because get touched..
and others cry of the video..
yet, I failed to do oit..

Ying ying,
sorry for my failure.. :'(
Wai Nean is right, my skill isn't that good..
I did not consider for the time limit to upload video in fb..
the video tat I made is 33 mins,
but fb is 20 mins maximum.
FAILED.
the video is with wishes, pictures etc and etc.
and because of my carelessness,
it ruined :S
how's it?
let say the word should be appear in o:30
but i add one picture in and become all the words appear earlier,
ad clash with other pictures :'(
you will noe if u saw that video.
FAILED.

I always wish for something perfect.
but ended up imperfectly..
can I know why? :'(
if the video isn't made by me..
guess it's be done successfully...
sorry guys,
I ruined it :'(
I'm so sorry..

first day of making that video,
I slept at 4am..
second day,
I slept at 6am,
which is the time my dad woke up for jogging..
and today 7th..
the whole afternoon and night,
I'm doing the video..
I thought it'll be done perfectly,
and I add something in,
and everything ruined...
when I saw it already too late,
already uploaded to the computer and in the process to fb..
sorry,
I'm so sorry..

Ying ying,
I tot I could represent everyone to give u the best bday present ever.
but I failed :'(
really sorry..
the surprise gone..
I'm the one who ruin everything..
Pui man, sorry too :'(

My effort wasted,
My energy wasted,
My time wasted.

Mom nagged me to use the time wisely..
and I use it to do this video..
and ended up so suck like now :'(
it's 8ve..
I wasted half of my holiday..
Sorry mommy,
I'm sorry..
again, I'M STRESSED T.T

4 months something to my piano exam..
I dowan to fail again :'(
But when I played it wrongly,
I have no mood to correct it and proceed my exercise :(
My hands are in pain,
Fingers are in pain..
And I'm seriously lack of patience..

I don't the basic thing that I should have now.
Confidence and strong determination..

My dear Lord,
can you help me? :'(
please listen to my prayer,
and guide me in my way :'(
please.

I dowan to live like this.
I hate to regret so much of thing.

should I repair the video?
should I? :'(