:S

now only I know,
I will just hurt myself once I care of someone too much.

now only I know,
one who treats me good will become lesser as time passes by.

now only I know,
you might or might not get some redound from the person you're being good to.
yet the one u oways neglected,
are the one who attach importance to you.

now only I know,
one's attitude will has so much difference.

now only I know,
when u're moody,
and 've spoken out something bad,
you couldn't ask ppl to understand you.
they ain't your parent.
see how important ur parent is.

now only I know,
two people who always be together,
not really considered as best friend,
or may be there's no special relation between them.

now only I know,
handphone is to let ppl to find you only when they need you,
but not to strengthen the relationship or friendship.

now only I know,
how big difference between the reality and ur own thinking..

now only I know,
I'm growing up and not longer the small kiddo,
have to get use to everything.

now only I know,
the one that considered as a best friend,
might not be the really best sometimes.

now only I know,
without the determination and patience,
u'll fail for everything.

now only I know,
how important is it to have someone to company by my side.

now only I know,
I don't really believe in forever.

now only I know,
there's lot of thing happening out of ur expectations.

now only I know,
the more perfect you demand for,
the more you can't done it well.

now only I know,
tears, being emo,
seriously doesn't solve anything.

now only I know,
people used to think that they're not actually tough,
because they need someone to understand them more.

now only I know,
when u're so alone and got no one to chat to,
u can only ask '' doing wad '' to those who not really close to you.

now only I know,
I find 1am is too early to have a nice sleep..

now only I know,
I really hate to regret on something I've not done.



now only I know,
I got better now -.-
and I wonder what happened just now.
and now seems the bad feeling back again.
sry, I dono what I'm talking -.-



sigh.

eH!
I've been a long time didnt upload my perasan pic >.<
pai seh larrr XD,
camera tak de battery after the last day of schooling,
as you noe who am I,
saya memang sangat lazy :D
do you noe,
how long my phone was abandoned by me :)?
i wonder too, about 4 days?
hmph.
yea,
out of battery again.
tapi ada credit larrr..
to those who everytime cant call me,
pai seh lorhx!
later I go charge lar okay? XD

well,
am gonna put my perasan pics.
picSSSS arh :)
all same shirt >.<
taken today XD
those who find me disgusting,
tolong click the X and leave :D
I wont give any damn about it,
bcuz I got no interest on you ;D



ready?
heee :D


've been a long time tak act cute!
muahahahhaha.
not dare to put on fb,
later all critic on me =.=
so I put here :D
you go no right to stop me from posting it XD
ini blog saya
bluehhh :D

sorry if I really fail in acting cute >.<

fringe ar fringe,
waiting you grow longer :D

love this :)

the difference between with and without spec :)

big head :O

it's original :D
I don't edit picture :)



finished :O
got mood surely will take again XD
I'm actually perasan,
and my personality different with wad u've seen from the pic arh.
I'm not soft one,
but the clumsy and rude one.. XD
and a klutz :D

anyway,
I considered it as a special thing of me :P
live with my own style :)


one more. :D
nak recommend you all something,
promotion time :O

people,
if you found this handfree in pasar malam,
buy it and use bah..
I'm using this,
very useful XD
in white, quite nice one :)
RM10 jek :O
very convinient too :)





gtg :)
mommy suffering from illness :(
may God cure her as soon as possible :(
hate to see her suffering :/



wait for my next post yea :D

sigh

and.

I thought before,
I touched before,
I got feeling before.

and.

I miss before,
I moody before,
I need you before.

and.

I smile before,
I laughed before.
I enjoyed it before..



when things coming to an end,
it will be ended.
when feeling is going to be faded down,
it will be faded..
everlasting is actually fake.
or may be it last,
but feeling, everything gonna be very very different.

and at last,
everything is gonna be summarized into memories.


i'm naive actually,
so seriously.


no one is perfect,
and also few people wanna be the better one.
or it's when you hurt someone,
only you will change.

an advice.
find a true friend,
more than having a big big gangs of friends.
u'll never know how pathetic you are,
until u met troubles,
until something happened out of ur expectations.


let bygone be bygone.
true :)
yet,
from word to deed is actually a big big SPACE.
saying is oways easier den doing it.

R.I.P Alviss Kong..

emo.. :(

whenever I on for fb,
his news appear again and again.
those like pages, videos, comments etc.
I've no idea why will moody bcuz of the video..
or may be I'm just emo-ing again? :(

guess everyone knows that news,
seriously hope that his family and the girl will be fine..
and god bless his mom too who hvn't knew about the tragedy happened :(

he just did what he promised before,
he'll love her till the moment he dies.
and he really did it.
isit the so called power of love?

yea.
for you, u die majestically.
because of love. :)
but. how about ur family and the one u love deeply ?
u got the braveness to suicide,
but u don hv the braveness to survive..
frankly,
you even drag ur love one to hell..
ur dead is her biggest shadow in her life ever.
I noe,
it's not easy to continue ur life after being hurted.
ever heard of '' every cloud has a silver lining '' ?
It is always possible to get something positive out of a situation,
no matter how unpleasant,
no matter how difficult
or
even how painful it might seem.
if everyone die bcuz of the obstacles in life..
many people will go suicide,
and no one will achieve.

Alviss Kong,
I wonder are you suffering now :(
I really hope God can forgive you :(
Please don't be so silly anymore in ur next life.
I've never ever seen any guy like you..
hope u can really rest in peace..

may be I don't really understand ur situation,
but I really hope that,
you can think of ur family and ur ex.
how much hurt u gave to them?
and ur mommy? :(

this is not the first time u attempt suicide,
for ur first ex,
u did silly things like this too.
lucky ur frens had stop you..
but this time,
they tot it was a prank..
they took it as a joke,
and don't give any damn about it.
sigh sigh sigh,
if they concerned about it,
if they informed his dad to becareful with him,
I think this tragedy will not be happened D:

things ad happened,
it's useless for me to talk so much.
I didn't feel angry for the guy,
I just feel wasted and not worth it :(
This incident isn't a fashion at all.
Hope so there will not be another case similar as this.
there is still many people wish for longer lifespan,
to enjoy everything in this world..
think of ur family, ur lovely frens....
please :(

love, is in all aspects.
it's not only the feeling between guy and gurl..
bare in mind on this please.

and the girl,
may be people blaming you right now,
but I don't..
no one did wrong in this case..
shouldn't be blaming anyone for this,
I can ensure that the girl have been few days didnt rest well.
and her eyes probably swelling for crying everyday.
I don't think so she's enjoying for his left.
I just wish that,
she can brace up,
and turn over a new leaf..
I support you....
Hope you'll be alright.. :(

and his family,
take care urself..
and pray for his mommy,
who dono anything about this. :(
my heart is in pain now :(


love,
I don hope to say it's a murderer. :(


it should be something nice, sweet and memorable.


people,
treasure your love one.
please.

failed T.T

somehow,
I wish I've a shoulder for me to lean on..
somehow,
I wish I've muscular chest for me to cry on..

again,
no one could chat with me.
feeling so so so depress :'(
i'm crying again..

today,
right now..
i should be viewing the video which completed by me..
Receiving the complimenting comments from others..
Ying ying cry because get touched..
and others cry of the video..
yet, I failed to do oit..

Ying ying,
sorry for my failure.. :'(
Wai Nean is right, my skill isn't that good..
I did not consider for the time limit to upload video in fb..
the video tat I made is 33 mins,
but fb is 20 mins maximum.
FAILED.
the video is with wishes, pictures etc and etc.
and because of my carelessness,
it ruined :S
how's it?
let say the word should be appear in o:30
but i add one picture in and become all the words appear earlier,
ad clash with other pictures :'(
you will noe if u saw that video.
FAILED.

I always wish for something perfect.
but ended up imperfectly..
can I know why? :'(
if the video isn't made by me..
guess it's be done successfully...
sorry guys,
I ruined it :'(
I'm so sorry..

first day of making that video,
I slept at 4am..
second day,
I slept at 6am,
which is the time my dad woke up for jogging..
and today 7th..
the whole afternoon and night,
I'm doing the video..
I thought it'll be done perfectly,
and I add something in,
and everything ruined...
when I saw it already too late,
already uploaded to the computer and in the process to fb..
sorry,
I'm so sorry..

Ying ying,
I tot I could represent everyone to give u the best bday present ever.
but I failed :'(
really sorry..
the surprise gone..
I'm the one who ruin everything..
Pui man, sorry too :'(

My effort wasted,
My energy wasted,
My time wasted.

Mom nagged me to use the time wisely..
and I use it to do this video..
and ended up so suck like now :'(
it's 8ve..
I wasted half of my holiday..
Sorry mommy,
I'm sorry..
again, I'M STRESSED T.T

4 months something to my piano exam..
I dowan to fail again :'(
But when I played it wrongly,
I have no mood to correct it and proceed my exercise :(
My hands are in pain,
Fingers are in pain..
And I'm seriously lack of patience..

I don't the basic thing that I should have now.
Confidence and strong determination..

My dear Lord,
can you help me? :'(
please listen to my prayer,
and guide me in my way :'(
please.

I dowan to live like this.
I hate to regret so much of thing.

should I repair the video?
should I? :'(

the midnight again.

to the juniors.
appreciate ur days in school.
please, please please.
Save every single pics u've taken.
don delete it.
It's a precious memoriess.

one more year for my secondary school life.
i'm almost F5 now.
and the end of my secondary school life will soon reach in a blink of eye.
the days with school uniform gonna end,
and u'll be head-aching which course to choose,
which college, uni to go..
or continue and masuk F6?
talked with mommy about those things,
bro asked me before..
what to do after F5.
I say dono, very blur.
and he said he was once like me :)

I hate I could never stop the time.
I can only appreciate it :(
I really treasuring what I'm having now :(
Sometimes I did complain..
But still I appreciate.

I've been a long time,
Didn't feel that mom doesn't love me at all..
Last time,
I hurt her alot.
Mommy, sorry :(
and dad.
I need time to forgive, and love you more..
Cause u're not like mommy so nice to be with :(
Whenever u're saying ur body aching,
A lot works to do,
Teeth aching and can only eat those potatoes, taufu etc.
Heart feeling pain :(
and I couldn't do anything. :(
I'm not afraid that I will become older.
I do afraid that both my parents grow older.
Wrinkles everything comes out.
the feeling very sucks :(

what happen to me?
owhh.
yea,
Did watch drama just now :)
yea.
KOREAN DRAMA =.=
stories is special..
and again I have to say.
Too GOOD to be true and happen in reality :)
I know it's fake.
I know I shouldn't watch anymore..
But I can't tahan.. =.=
Sis do want mom too boring at home..
and download so many movies for her.
sighhh :(
I dowan go through my holidays with dramas =.=
tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow,
I wonder which TOMORROW gonna be the day I do revision.
LAZY LAZY LAZY.
aiyeeeesh. ! =.=

if tomorrow never comes by ronan keating.
this make the midnight romantic :)
I love the lyrics.
Meaningful.. :)
Imagine,
ur love one sing this to you..
playing piano and dedicate this song to you..
you think back ur memories with him and got touched.
am I expert in day-dreaming?
YES I DO.


No doubt,
Seriously grow up a lot..
so a lot :(
AIYEESSH. =.=


again the lonely night.
with kai ru the only sakai who will stay up late :)
we're the night cats.
and now is 4.04am..
sorry people,
I find it weird to sleep early :(

sigh.
soon will off to bed :)

now only I know,
my blog taught people a lot of things.
still :)
I asked myself to be proud of it.
this is the way we learn :D

little cuty wish.

weeeee :D

new song for my blog.
Forever in love,
By Kenny G.
A saxophonist,
sexayy.!

If I've the chance to learn saxophone,
the first song I wanna learn will be this song ;)
It had been my phone's ringtone for quite a long time :O
and I remember many people has this ringtone with me..
And everytime I heard this song,
I tot my phone is ringing =.=

Nice rite? :D
Guy who plays saxophone is the sexiest for me.
Piano the second XD
My future man,
I seriously hope he knows some instruments
:O

Saxophone!
Sexayy and nice :D
Mummy love it too ;D
I'm affected by her actually
hehehe :)
Wanna earn money as lot as I can next time.
Buy my very first saxophone..
I learn and I teach my mom :D
Or sent my mom to learn it XD
I can't wait for the day.

I wish,
My children will know a lot of instruments.
Like LEE HOM :D
I would've prepare a room for them..
Inside got lot of instruments.
and for sure,
It will be a WHITE GRAND PIANO there.
and,
A WHITE VIOLIN.
it's nice for this two instruments to be in white ;D
I've saw one white violin in Jusco Yamaha centre
But I dono how to play :D
If not for sure I'll be demanding for it :D

My house must be a banglo house,
My parent and parent-in-law,
will be leaving with me
and a Musical room for my children..
Imagine that.
It's so amazing :D

If 2012 never comes,
I do hope the these little cuty wishes will be accomplished.
Needa work hard :O
It used a lot of money,
and follow what God have arranged for me.
I wish,
my husband will be a super FREAKING nice one :D

OMG.
I'm thinking too far again.
SOWIE ;D
I enjoy myself for day-dreaming everyday.
I'm so soli XD

SIAO :S

it's almost 2 am now.
I'm still not in the mood to bed.
may be finish blogging,
only off :)

again,
I emo again. :(
sigh.
I wish there's someone who's as siao as me.
at 2am still not sleeping..
wanna find someone to chat...
yet all's sleeping :(
I'm not alone actually.
But I made myself so alone =.=

I just feel that.
I'm so lousy in everything.
Seriously dislike to put in effort in order to succeed.
Yea, I'm lazy.. :(
I've told you all,
I'm too afraid of those problems :(
I wanna try but I escape it finally :S
I hate, I hatE!
Absolutely hating it!!
:'(

November gonna end.
Promised myself to revise some form 4 stuff,
and use this holiday wisely.
But ended up everyday with lot of excuses.
No doubt,
I'm lazy.
It's driving me to hell =(
How good if u can succeed without putting any efforts.
Tat's impossible.
I know :(
Sorry, I'm just escaping.

I wan go for shopping,
Buy whatever I want..
Don't care for the price,
or cogitate whether it suits me anot.
I saw I like,
then I buy.
AND SOMEONE WILLING TO PAY IT FOR ME.
NO NO NO.
it's not gonna happen =.=
I wish what happen in drama will happen in reality too.
those rich and wealthy one,
Buy whatever things they want,
as long as they've a credit card =.=
If I use my dad's credit card to buy everything I want.
I'll be chased out :)
Seriously wanna try :(
It's a way to release ur stress..
Not only fulfill what you want,
But also release ur stress too :(
How good is it?
Who don't wish for that?
Stupid lar if you dowan =.=

sigh,
again Im day-dreaming for those un-logic stuff. =.=
watched too much dramas.
SIGH.
how good lar if it really happens!!
TUT. :/

off to bed finally :(
Asked mummy not to let me wake up at noon =.=
I'll be feeling regretted for wasting my time again.
I've been a couple of days not eating my breakfast.
you know,
MY LUNCH IS MY BREAKFAST.
MY BREAKFAST IS MY LUNCH.
Applause, lai lai lai!
When I on fb whenever I woke up,
The SPM candidates had updated their status :O
get what I mean?
People finished 2 papers only I woke up :)
Am I amazing?
WEE :D

Off to bed.
I'm serious.
Really off-ing to bed.
Yes I am.
Please trust me -.-
I'M SERIOUS.

argh, siao of feeling too bored.!

A-BU-JIAK! :D

emo emo emo

korean drama,
heart feeling pain whenever I finished all the episodes.
It's with happy ending,
My heart is still in pain.
I'm weird.
And the feeling is more complicated :(
It makes me so freaking emo now.

how good if everything can happen like wad u've seen in drama.
whenever u're sad, happy, angry, feeling so helpless.
and another one appear.
even though he's with a bad purpose,
but it seriously warms ur heart.
and the end the both of them fall in love..
the drama ended with a happy ending.

alright.
don't says that I'm silly.
I am silly indeed :)
How good if things can happen like wat's happening in drama,
a fairytale love story,
everyone hopes for it. :(
sorry,
am day-dreaming =.=
things that happened in drama seemed to be very easy,
but actually it isn't.
no wonder some parents don allow their children to watch too much dramas.
seriously got no advantage =.=
It makes u dream more about those un-logic things.
but, why it can't happen in reality :(

those setbacks seriously made me downcast.
don't feel like getting up anymore.
wanna be tough,
yet it's seriously not an easy thing :(
I asked others to be tough.
yet to take action,
it will be harder than what you said...




the best motivation video ever.
'' if I fail and I gave up, do you think I'm able to get up? NO.''
what he said touched me.
Edison, a well know inventor.
He invented the electric light bulb,
which wad we're using now..
Someone told me,
he've tried more than hundred times.
and us?
not more than 5 times and we gave up.
To brace up and get up,
The strength and the motivation are seriously important.
I noe I shouldn't give up easily.
But I'm lost without the strength and the motivation.
I though I'm good,
But actually I'm not.
Being too confident,
Sometimes it will lead u too the biggest disappointment.

One day,
I wish to tell people,
I get up myself.
I braced up myself.
With no mercy from others,
and I did everything myself and I got successful.

It's a little frustration.
Why am I getting so furious and feeling gloomy for it?
I dowan to fail the second time.
I hate to know that,
When I fall I have to find someone to brace myself up.
I'm now 16 years old :'(
When I got to be independent?
Mummy will not always be with me.
Friends will one day got annoyed for all my problems.
I'm the most important one for myself when I've problem.
It's just the beginning of the journey of my life.
I've a lot to go.
Giving up so easily will lead me to succession?
I need the strength.
God, guide me :(

Tears which can express everything out.
But it isn't something which can help you everytime.
It helps you to get better,
but now solving all the problems.
Crying doesn't solve all the matters.
It shows how fragile you are.

SPM next year.
I think I'll collapse again like wad happened during PMR.
Piano next year.
And now I got stressed.
I do not really enjoy it anymore,
why ? :'(
Saw others who learned music,
they're so addicted to it.
Why didn't I ?
No one exerts pressure on me.
I request too much succession to myself.
I wanna prove to my parents.
But it's like,
I did everything for them. :(
When I'll know,
Everything I worked hard is for my own good?
I'm afraid to fail.
But if I'm so coward to try everything.
I'm not gonna success :(

I wish to be independent.
Not to dream that there's a shoulder for me to lean on.
Not to dream that there's a muscular chest for me to lean on.
Not to dream that there will be a warm hug for me to cry and express everything out.
I dowan to act like I'm very tough.
I wanna be the seriously tough one. :(

God,
guide me please.
I hate to fall down again.

the naked truth =(

truth.
get to know what it means.
it hurts people,
it's an unacceptable fact,
and even no one will accept it.


fakeness.
it's too kind,
people accept it,
and even feel more comfortable with it.



a naked truth.
is always the unacceptable one.



I wonder,
should I be true anymore.
as I knew I hurt people again.
So,
keep it and express out my feeling with someone.?
no.
it considered as betraying ur friend.
so..
wad can I do?

choose.
be true to u = I hurt you and u'll dislike me.
be fake to u = I betray you, u dono and I'm still ur friend.
i'm curious if this case happening on me.
which should I choose.
and people,
which u willing to choose? :)


sad to know that.
I'm not able to comfort my own friend.
sad to know that.
when I sad,
the first who I share my problems with.
will never be my best friends..
I looked so pathetic actually..
hehe haha here and there.
chat with this abit,
laugh with that abit..
when come to my problems,
I seriously dono who to talk with.
cuteNYA.
well, not ur fault.
it's my problem..
I blame no one for this...
:)

It's almost 4.30am now,
Im still not sleeping yet.
Why?
cause my fb and msn is on-ing.
nice excuse..
Keep on refreshing my home page in fb.
I got nothing to do but haven't off =)
Good job.
Applause please.. :)
Off to bed ba..
nitez everyone...

accept it or ignore.
try it..
I've tried,
I've ignored..
and now I seriously forgotten,
wat's happening last time .