trying best to sack you out. GOODBYE

guess no ones following my blog,
to see new post day by day le since I have stop blogging for monthss le bah :)

yes, I've been abadoned my blog for YEARS :D
I miss the days when I used to write.
theres oways something special for me to write of,
someone to read of.
which everything seems to be so different now..

once upon a time.
everything went so nice and memorable especially in my form 4 life.
I thank God that I know you,
and I always have people who always being by my side.
viewing back the pictures in fb,
viewing back every single status of the dates last year...
everything happened like it just happened yesterday.

I'm now Form 5 and soon graduate.
what makes my life different is just you who became a stranger.
hmph, a familiar stranger :)
thanks for being a nice friend before she appears.
looking at the chatbox.
12am what will happen.
and its like almost everyday the same.
I accept. it's the fact.

they said,
My attitude, the way I'm being myself.
is too hard to be accepted.
oh yea?
I'm sorry,
I really do not know how to be myself if I don behave like how I used to be.
you're not suppose to see a girl oways raising her legs up to kick people,
laughing frantically with an ugly and gila face,
shouting screaming like a sakai in the class and.
so so so so on.
I'm not as soft as others.
and I do not know how.
I dislike wearing dress,
for me I like everything casual.

I really hope,
someone will find me special,
started appreciate and know my good :')
I know I'm still young for the one to appear.
and my desire might make me met the fake and the one who will ruin my future.
so.
I know,
I just need to be patient.

it's the feeling,
when you have something nice and you can't find the suitable person to share.
it's the feeling,
when you feel sad and wanted to tell him badly but you can't.
it's the feeling,
seeing the convo between us becoming more and more strange.

as I said,
girls are sensitive.
and it ouches me so much for everything happened.
what I wan isn't anything so unbearable, so unacceptable.
but just the normal days tat we used to be last year.
they said,
people who oftenly chat,
will have many coincidences happened between them.
and we had before.
didn't even notice it till I reminisce back.
and guess,
now it's happening between you both.
good luck! :)

Thank God the feeling faded,
with the lies, the way you ignore,
and the changes happened.
and also the funny actions taken by her.
She's shy,
yet the actions that she can do simply amazed me to think her as a shy and naive one.
Shes indeed cute,
in so many ways where I find her special too..

they said,
Im too NORMAL that I have nothing much to be explored,
to be found out the things hidden by me.
oh yeah,
well-saying...
and it makes me lost and do not know how to find the specialities of mine..
so I have to become more rude, more tough.
to let people feel the freshness when I've changed.
am I being like this? I don't know. :')

blog,
I'm coming back since I've lost someone to confide my feelings out.
my feeling, my thinking, the things happened.
Couldn't really find someone to talk about.

I just know,
whenever I wanted to click on his picture to open a chat box,
somethings will tell me,
'' if he wanna find you, he will. ''
'' don't be a girl who need someone, be a girl who everyone needs '' .

everything I saw she did for you,
every night I saw both of you online,
I will tell myself.
I have been replaced.
have you ever noticed?
difference between last year and this year...
or you're just enjoying so much with her.

SINCE my bday and I realized
and no one willing to believe.
until that day everyone notices. =)
first time,
feeling so lost for the bad things happened.
cried when celebrating fren's bday,
and when I got back home,
I got no one to chat with except my lovely didi..
Thank God hes still willing to listen to me.

I should feel happiness around me.
Friends appreciate and care of me more.
Mommy even know my heart pains for that.
I have to repeat,
what I want is just the things last year happened again.
No gap, no strange feeling between us.
and more and more coincidence to happen.

the reason Im suffering,
guess so its because Im not loving myself enough,
and even GOD and JESUS. :')
whenever I can't fall asleep,
what I will thinking will be they both.
I dare not to tell anyone,
which this gonna annoyed so many people.
and I seriously dowan them to find me annoying.


I will let go,
and definitely will not let you to affect my study,
no one is gonna ask you to sleep earlier,
to study,
hmph. nothing much.
cause is just you who listens to me bah? :'))

finding you to chat,
is just making you busy and reply her msg late.
finding you to chat,
is just making you to doubt of what am I thinking.
finding you to chat,
is like making you to have idea to talk with me and not making me feel something.

I can met a better one,
a taller one,
a more handsome one,
a fatter one,
someone who can gv me protection,
and another good listener.
I will.
I just have to wait.
and LET GO everything we've been through.

I'm sorry,
for you is nothing.
for me is everything.
you might find me disgusting,
it's okay.
I might find myself childish nx time too :)
AND I WILL EVEN REGRET THINKING OF YOU WHEN SPM IS APPROACHING.
AND I WILL EVEN REGRET TAKING CARE OF SOMEONE WHO BEING IGNORANT TO ME.
AND I WILL EVEN REGRET OF THE ONE I LOVED BEFORE AND SILLY BEFORE.
AND I WILL EVEN REGRET ON CANT BEING INDEPENDENT WHICH MAKE ME HAVE A BAD HABIT WHICH IS YOU!!

let go and let let go!
I do not deserve to be hurted again and again by finding you to chat,
having the informatio between both of you.
I deserve something and someone better.
and yea,
I gonna go my own way,
and still be the one I am.
and yea,
Im gonna make myself prettier,
without changing the way I oways behave and so on.
who am I?
ah Jun.
the one who can't bear the silence.
the one who always laugh and like to be called as sakai.
classmates.
thanks that I have you all.
yeow, jing wen, tat hong, eva and ching yew.
thanks for willing to listen to me and keep the secret for me.
I'm silly for the way I was.
and I know, I'm too silly to wait at 12am to see they both on.
and I know, I'm too suffer to purposely off at 12am or may be use phone at 12am just dowan to see the chatbox who's online-ing.
I'm sorry for my sillyness.

and teng yii,
thanks for knowing when Im really being sakai and laughing,
you know when Im really not stable which make me laugh abnormally and even serious den a sakai.
I'm sorry that I oftenly annoyed you.
thanks that I have you all :)

Chyi <3,
thanks for being my side,
comforting me whenever I need you.
teaching me ways to let go him and not to think of him.
I'm glad I have a close friend like you for years.
and I finally know your pain :')
I love you,
thanks for accepting the way I am.
and still being friend with me though I've betrayed you before.

Kai Ru,
thanks for phoning me when I need you.
talk about me and him and learn me your ears.
mine did not have any good result,
and I wish yours have something good happen soon :)
I will pray for you :D

Zen Yee, my good didi too :))
knowing my feeling after knowing they going for trip together.
online and ask how am I.
I'm feeling touch for this :)
glad to be your jie jie and have a didi like you :)
it seems a didi take care of me more den a jie jie take care of a didi :))

mommy too,
'' very pain ar? ''
this sentences almost make me cry..
she accepts my story and comfort me..
this is just puppy love she said.
heh, its true.
AND I DON'T EVEN WANNA TO START A RELATIONSHIP AT ALL
I'm weird.
I just like being special friends :D
and what I have to do,
is just don affect my studies anymore :)

GOD,
I LOVE YOU.
AND I WILLING TO BELIEVE ON YOU.
I WISH MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS WILL BE BLESSED.
AND I WILL SOON LET GO EVERYTHING.
SLOWLY I KNOW,
BUT I SURE WILL!! :))

i need a better man,
to right one..
I know when God doesn't give me something,
HE will offer me something better :)
AMEN! :)





TRYING MY BEST TO SACK YOU OUT FROM MY LIFE.
I DOWAN YOU TO BE MY HABIT ANYMORE.
IT'S NOT A GOOD HABIT AT ALL.!!

GOODBYE!

so tired.

did you ever care of my feeling?
did you ever respect who am I.

this is jealousy?
isit? :'(


who understand?
who fights for me?
who understood every feeling of mine?



I think on ur side,
if I was you,
will have behave like you?
No, I don't :'(
I will respect...

but,
did you think on my side? :'(





i do hate,
caring others' feeling.
ended up I'm the one who injured.


I do these,
also because u're my fren.
who I don't really want to hurt to.


do you know?
NO, u're still laughing. :'(

thank you so much :')

tears,
doest it solve everything?
I've forgotten,
it doesn't.

Or may be I should be more and more tough,
There's still many many people who will humiliate me.
you should know,
That's still many people who will.
yes, they will.

I tot I can forget,
I tot I will be okay,
yet,
even the fb page was down,
even everyone had forgotten it,
when someone mention it again,
the hurt that you get is double.
you know, double.
yes, double.

you wouldn't know how tiring is it,
to endure everything,
and even care about others while others don't.
you wouldn't know how hurtful is it,
until you get what you should get nx time.
what goes around comes around.
yes I know,
but do you sure, it will happen??
yes, I do hope. :'/

people laughed,
people teased.
for you,
you won to fight with me.
for you,
you proud that I've got nothing to say anymore.
for you,
you happy that people agree and laughed with you.
so, I should've said congratz. :')

thanks that you allude to the wound inside my heart.
thanks that you make it even serious.
thanks that you can make me thought of what you said for the whole day.
thanks that you make me have no idea who to express my feeling with.

thanks for everything.
may god bless you,
and may I forgive you.

I called them as bitch.
I named them as non-educated one.
I felt sorry for their parents.
and you, a guy.
Who acted like them in front of me.

think of urself before you hurt one deeply.
yes, very very very deeply.
don't worry,
I've nothing to do with you in the future.
and I dowan you to be part of my life.
Wish that you can find ur so called '' nice girl '' next time.
yes, u're oways the one who judge a book by its cover.
and please,
just mind your own business.
look at urself,
before you humiliate someone.

even you get straight As in ur examination,
even you get a super nice job in ur future.
even you are so much much richer den me next time.
for me,
you're just as poor as others.
the basic knowledge, the basic moral values.
yes, you don't have much of them :)

Or may be it's my fault for you to humiliate me.
should I think like this?
I'm quite tired of finding my fault in everythings happened.
How I wish,
that isn't my fault.
How I wish,
I should be the one who is so super tough now.

and,
how I wish.
I wont feel that hard,
My heart will not pain,
when I wanted to smile and to laugh.
Today,
it's so so so hard for me to laugh.
yes, I did.
but please know that,
it's just to cover my tears.
it's just to prevent my sadness to be expressed out.

I hope that case can completely deleted from my brain.
till now,
the hurt is still there.
do you know,
NO, you'll never know.
NEVER. :'(

or should I say,
please humiliate me but not others.
because they haven't get used to it.
but I do.
:')

what would you think of ?
oh, I'm one who couldn't be made fun of.
I'm one who cannot take jokes.
it's just a small case,
I'm the one who think it's big.
isn't it?
hahaha,
yea, I'm like this. :'')

I prayed,
prayed that I'll be okay.
as long as I'm pure,
as long as mummy will know I'm hurted.

as long as,
I will still be fine,
and laughed like a sakai tomorrow.
:')

i'm who I AM :D

should have realized a lot of things earlier.
why am I realizing everything this year.
things change,
I'm still lying to myself again and again.

and at last,
I told myself,
I should have loved myself more.

tan xiao jun.
stop thinking too much.
God the one who created you,
and you'll just be different than others.
You are what you are.
No matter how others think about you,
you're still the one you are.
yes, I'm irreplaceable.

pray whenever u're depressed,
bare in mind,
God and your parents are there for you all the time :)
unless,
you met someone you do really feel comfortable to be with,
comfortable to talk with,
and a really very true friend :)
hmph.

I wan to be the only ME.
dotz, that's all :)

we prefer others to understand us,
and make us cry on their shoulder.
but not asking ppl to borrow us a shoulder,
or understand us better. :)

future.

I thought of this.

after SPM,
apa mau buat?

used to have a lot of ambition when I was young.
now?
seems NONE.

people says,
one who don hv any aim will not ever success.

sigh sigh sigh,
was not worrying in past few years,
but now I am facing SPM,
and after SPM.
everything seems blank for me.
don't you feel that?
if you do feel so,
meaning u're in the same situation as me :/

if can,
I rather forever sit for SPM.
but, everyone's life is to move forward but not staying there.
so what to do?
I'm blank,
seriously.

have a nice result in SPM,
so what?
one who get no A,
one who get straight As.
both of them went to the same college/ uni.
what's the point actually?
to get scholarship,
for one year.
after that?

How I will be like 10 years after?
Watching friends getting richer?
watching friends on their way to success?
and I'm envying?
I down to. :(


God,
lend me a hand.
tell me what I should do :(

studying like hell now,
not knowing ur aim, ur ambition.
what for?
everyone tend to fight for the EXAM.
but not their dream,
am I correct?
so after the EXAM,
you get straight As,
more As then others.
den?
yea, can tell people ur result proudly,
after one month?
or few weeks after?
everything back to normal.
and you find urself lost again...

17 years old,
not even SPM to think of,
but also ur future to think of.
people,
17 years old isn't that young d.
even it's still considered as teens,
but it will be different as the one who can still go to school nx year.

again,
I wanna say.
appreciate ur schooling day.
be thankful that,
u still can wake up early for school,
wearing uniform to school,
chat with buddies in school.
after this,
u'll miss it so much.
even school give you so much of sucks memories,
you still have to appreciate.


yea,
I will still strike hard for SPM,
even it seems quite pointless :/
and also trying my best to find the aim, the goal.
I pray I pray and I pray.

God, do lend me a hand.
you know me more den myself.
when there's a will, there's a way.
problem is no will,
how to get the way?

lead me along my way,
I dowan to rely to anyone.
I just want to work for myself.
am able to take care of my parent,
give them the best that I can,
I pray I pray and I still pray.

stay tough stay strong.
there's still plenty of things waiting for me to confuse about.
it's impossible to have NONE obstacles in your life.
I might collapse one day,
but still,
after collapsing, I have to brace up.
this is life.
everyone's life.
just see how colourful will it be,
and it's painted by urself.

not miracles don't happen,
is you do not want to create it.


just,
take a deep breath,
get prepared for the journey of the life.
:)

:)

stay there.
don move to anywhere :)
there's people for you.
believe me :)


i'm thinking this for 2 days.
I swear I did.
anyway,
I apologize if I did something like dis.
I dono what I've done.
if u're that sure that I'm the one and it's not a misunderstanding,
okay, I'm very sorry for that to happen.


u've done ur best.
but the people around u aren't the best. :)
agree?


or may be I didnt care about ur feeling.
I'm sorry.
that's my mistake.


but I swear,
I'm feeling sad and dono what to do when the result revealed.
and it's kinda unfair too.


if it's my fault,
and I did something so so SO SERIOUS.
den I do really feel sorry about it.


u're tired, I'm too :)

that's the life-less things who ends it.
so let it be, let it go :)
take care ;)

let it be, let it go.

God who knows how's it.
I'm the one who knows how it feels.
yea,
in this week.
finally know that,
I'm always the transparent one.


somehow,
I seriously hope that,
someone can know my feeling.
even I did not tell anyone,
like sometimes I know others too..
not you, but others.
sigh.


if our hearts are attaching,
u'll know how I feel and I will know yours.
too bad,
I haven't find any.


friend says,
is time for me to live for myself.
is time for me to put myself more important than others.
mommy says,
sometimes have to think about urself too.
again,
saying is easy.
I've the feeling to do what I feel like doing,
so I have to stop myself?
idk :(


I'm out.
totally out from every places that I wish to be in.
I've been sacked out.
and it's seriously tired for me return back again,
I have no right to stop others..
or I should say,
No one is perfect,
it's time for me to look further,
to look for the different result.


I'm the one who fail myself :)
I wouldn't blame anyone.
it's actually my fault.
don't ask for others to take care of me and understand me more.
don't hope too much that I'm oways the most important one for them.
I'm not qualified :)
let the one who enjoy to be with me,
continue with me.
and let the one who wanna leave,
let them leave,
even it's with my super bad feeling for tat things to be happened.


make sure,
it's not a misunderstanding.
and that's fine for me.
take care :')


true.
I just look pathetic if keep on demanding for others to understand me.
thanks God, thanks mommy.
the closest one with me,
and lead me in my way :')

don't simply guess what this post is about.
u might misunderstand about me.
thank you.

:'(

why can't girls live for themselves.
girls were born to satisfy every guy?

why?



why is everyone making us so freaking hard to be confident?



we're just living for ourselves.
appreciating whateva god had given to us.
do not complain and trying not to have the inferiority feeling again n again.
why u all force us to have it again.
it does make u feel better?
it's so important for u eventhough u don even know me?


no one will ever think of other's feeling before they spoke.







or may be.
that's the fact,
which we should have accepted it.

I wish,
that will be a day which every girl can raise their head up.
but when was it? :'(

the end of the holidays D:

hey!
am back to have my last post by the end of the holiday.
aww,
sadnya.
tomorrow school reopening D:
and homework, stresses, school activities and tuition.
hectic life begins again!!
and i'll be always prepared for the exams.
and at last SPM!
hohohoho den I'm graduated..
so fast huh. :(
last time I was just form 1.
aw, better say I was a baby =3=

the last year in my secondary school.
I'll seriously appreciate it =)
I'm 17 years old this year!
FORM 5 :O
last time oways feel that Form 5 very big very old jor.
now, I'm Form 5 =.=
it's kinda incredible.. :(

the only thing who can flies without aerofoil or wings,
it's will be the TIME.
as they said,
Time and tide waits for no man. :/

I can only appreciate everything I have now.
as time passes by,
I'm sure I'll regret for not appreciating it.

forgotten to wish you all.
HAPPY NEW YEAR :D
and it's 2011.
one more year to the end of the year, 2012.
don care so much,
as long as it's now 2011.
2012 thingy shud be worried nx year :P
and I pray that it may not happen.
I wish. :(
even it really happens,
no matter how will it be,
I just wish my family will be with me. :)

Slept at 5am last night.
woke up at ten smth or nine something?
yea, I'm still sleepy.
but I just hope that tonite can sleep earlier and easier to fall asleep.
what am I doing till this late?
well, NOT FB.
am completing my sejarah note and question book D:
Choose to recopy everything,
for me to study easier this year.
and what I pay off is my time and energy AND ALSO pen ink.
lol.
I do hope that it seriously worth it :(

after today,
I will try my best.
to avoid fb and pc :O
well again,
saying is easier den doing =3=.
I hope it really successful.
actually fb tak de apa-apa nice =3=,
keep on refreshing the home page and wait for new update jek.
I wonder why am I so addicted to it sometimes D:

anyway,
all the best to me and to YOU.
have a nice year 2011.
may my wish come true,
may my plan for myself goes well.
especially in my piano exam and my studies.

gambateh! :D

:S

now only I know,
I will just hurt myself once I care of someone too much.

now only I know,
one who treats me good will become lesser as time passes by.

now only I know,
you might or might not get some redound from the person you're being good to.
yet the one u oways neglected,
are the one who attach importance to you.

now only I know,
one's attitude will has so much difference.

now only I know,
when u're moody,
and 've spoken out something bad,
you couldn't ask ppl to understand you.
they ain't your parent.
see how important ur parent is.

now only I know,
two people who always be together,
not really considered as best friend,
or may be there's no special relation between them.

now only I know,
handphone is to let ppl to find you only when they need you,
but not to strengthen the relationship or friendship.

now only I know,
how big difference between the reality and ur own thinking..

now only I know,
I'm growing up and not longer the small kiddo,
have to get use to everything.

now only I know,
the one that considered as a best friend,
might not be the really best sometimes.

now only I know,
without the determination and patience,
u'll fail for everything.

now only I know,
how important is it to have someone to company by my side.

now only I know,
I don't really believe in forever.

now only I know,
there's lot of thing happening out of ur expectations.

now only I know,
the more perfect you demand for,
the more you can't done it well.

now only I know,
tears, being emo,
seriously doesn't solve anything.

now only I know,
people used to think that they're not actually tough,
because they need someone to understand them more.

now only I know,
when u're so alone and got no one to chat to,
u can only ask '' doing wad '' to those who not really close to you.

now only I know,
I find 1am is too early to have a nice sleep..

now only I know,
I really hate to regret on something I've not done.



now only I know,
I got better now -.-
and I wonder what happened just now.
and now seems the bad feeling back again.
sry, I dono what I'm talking -.-



sigh.

eH!
I've been a long time didnt upload my perasan pic >.<
pai seh larrr XD,
camera tak de battery after the last day of schooling,
as you noe who am I,
saya memang sangat lazy :D
do you noe,
how long my phone was abandoned by me :)?
i wonder too, about 4 days?
hmph.
yea,
out of battery again.
tapi ada credit larrr..
to those who everytime cant call me,
pai seh lorhx!
later I go charge lar okay? XD

well,
am gonna put my perasan pics.
picSSSS arh :)
all same shirt >.<
taken today XD
those who find me disgusting,
tolong click the X and leave :D
I wont give any damn about it,
bcuz I got no interest on you ;D



ready?
heee :D


've been a long time tak act cute!
muahahahhaha.
not dare to put on fb,
later all critic on me =.=
so I put here :D
you go no right to stop me from posting it XD
ini blog saya
bluehhh :D

sorry if I really fail in acting cute >.<

fringe ar fringe,
waiting you grow longer :D

love this :)

the difference between with and without spec :)

big head :O

it's original :D
I don't edit picture :)



finished :O
got mood surely will take again XD
I'm actually perasan,
and my personality different with wad u've seen from the pic arh.
I'm not soft one,
but the clumsy and rude one.. XD
and a klutz :D

anyway,
I considered it as a special thing of me :P
live with my own style :)


one more. :D
nak recommend you all something,
promotion time :O

people,
if you found this handfree in pasar malam,
buy it and use bah..
I'm using this,
very useful XD
in white, quite nice one :)
RM10 jek :O
very convinient too :)





gtg :)
mommy suffering from illness :(
may God cure her as soon as possible :(
hate to see her suffering :/



wait for my next post yea :D

sigh

and.

I thought before,
I touched before,
I got feeling before.

and.

I miss before,
I moody before,
I need you before.

and.

I smile before,
I laughed before.
I enjoyed it before..



when things coming to an end,
it will be ended.
when feeling is going to be faded down,
it will be faded..
everlasting is actually fake.
or may be it last,
but feeling, everything gonna be very very different.

and at last,
everything is gonna be summarized into memories.


i'm naive actually,
so seriously.


no one is perfect,
and also few people wanna be the better one.
or it's when you hurt someone,
only you will change.

an advice.
find a true friend,
more than having a big big gangs of friends.
u'll never know how pathetic you are,
until u met troubles,
until something happened out of ur expectations.


let bygone be bygone.
true :)
yet,
from word to deed is actually a big big SPACE.
saying is oways easier den doing it.

R.I.P Alviss Kong..

emo.. :(

whenever I on for fb,
his news appear again and again.
those like pages, videos, comments etc.
I've no idea why will moody bcuz of the video..
or may be I'm just emo-ing again? :(

guess everyone knows that news,
seriously hope that his family and the girl will be fine..
and god bless his mom too who hvn't knew about the tragedy happened :(

he just did what he promised before,
he'll love her till the moment he dies.
and he really did it.
isit the so called power of love?

yea.
for you, u die majestically.
because of love. :)
but. how about ur family and the one u love deeply ?
u got the braveness to suicide,
but u don hv the braveness to survive..
frankly,
you even drag ur love one to hell..
ur dead is her biggest shadow in her life ever.
I noe,
it's not easy to continue ur life after being hurted.
ever heard of '' every cloud has a silver lining '' ?
It is always possible to get something positive out of a situation,
no matter how unpleasant,
no matter how difficult
or
even how painful it might seem.
if everyone die bcuz of the obstacles in life..
many people will go suicide,
and no one will achieve.

Alviss Kong,
I wonder are you suffering now :(
I really hope God can forgive you :(
Please don't be so silly anymore in ur next life.
I've never ever seen any guy like you..
hope u can really rest in peace..

may be I don't really understand ur situation,
but I really hope that,
you can think of ur family and ur ex.
how much hurt u gave to them?
and ur mommy? :(

this is not the first time u attempt suicide,
for ur first ex,
u did silly things like this too.
lucky ur frens had stop you..
but this time,
they tot it was a prank..
they took it as a joke,
and don't give any damn about it.
sigh sigh sigh,
if they concerned about it,
if they informed his dad to becareful with him,
I think this tragedy will not be happened D:

things ad happened,
it's useless for me to talk so much.
I didn't feel angry for the guy,
I just feel wasted and not worth it :(
This incident isn't a fashion at all.
Hope so there will not be another case similar as this.
there is still many people wish for longer lifespan,
to enjoy everything in this world..
think of ur family, ur lovely frens....
please :(

love, is in all aspects.
it's not only the feeling between guy and gurl..
bare in mind on this please.

and the girl,
may be people blaming you right now,
but I don't..
no one did wrong in this case..
shouldn't be blaming anyone for this,
I can ensure that the girl have been few days didnt rest well.
and her eyes probably swelling for crying everyday.
I don't think so she's enjoying for his left.
I just wish that,
she can brace up,
and turn over a new leaf..
I support you....
Hope you'll be alright.. :(

and his family,
take care urself..
and pray for his mommy,
who dono anything about this. :(
my heart is in pain now :(


love,
I don hope to say it's a murderer. :(


it should be something nice, sweet and memorable.


people,
treasure your love one.
please.

failed T.T

somehow,
I wish I've a shoulder for me to lean on..
somehow,
I wish I've muscular chest for me to cry on..

again,
no one could chat with me.
feeling so so so depress :'(
i'm crying again..

today,
right now..
i should be viewing the video which completed by me..
Receiving the complimenting comments from others..
Ying ying cry because get touched..
and others cry of the video..
yet, I failed to do oit..

Ying ying,
sorry for my failure.. :'(
Wai Nean is right, my skill isn't that good..
I did not consider for the time limit to upload video in fb..
the video tat I made is 33 mins,
but fb is 20 mins maximum.
FAILED.
the video is with wishes, pictures etc and etc.
and because of my carelessness,
it ruined :S
how's it?
let say the word should be appear in o:30
but i add one picture in and become all the words appear earlier,
ad clash with other pictures :'(
you will noe if u saw that video.
FAILED.

I always wish for something perfect.
but ended up imperfectly..
can I know why? :'(
if the video isn't made by me..
guess it's be done successfully...
sorry guys,
I ruined it :'(
I'm so sorry..

first day of making that video,
I slept at 4am..
second day,
I slept at 6am,
which is the time my dad woke up for jogging..
and today 7th..
the whole afternoon and night,
I'm doing the video..
I thought it'll be done perfectly,
and I add something in,
and everything ruined...
when I saw it already too late,
already uploaded to the computer and in the process to fb..
sorry,
I'm so sorry..

Ying ying,
I tot I could represent everyone to give u the best bday present ever.
but I failed :'(
really sorry..
the surprise gone..
I'm the one who ruin everything..
Pui man, sorry too :'(

My effort wasted,
My energy wasted,
My time wasted.

Mom nagged me to use the time wisely..
and I use it to do this video..
and ended up so suck like now :'(
it's 8ve..
I wasted half of my holiday..
Sorry mommy,
I'm sorry..
again, I'M STRESSED T.T

4 months something to my piano exam..
I dowan to fail again :'(
But when I played it wrongly,
I have no mood to correct it and proceed my exercise :(
My hands are in pain,
Fingers are in pain..
And I'm seriously lack of patience..

I don't the basic thing that I should have now.
Confidence and strong determination..

My dear Lord,
can you help me? :'(
please listen to my prayer,
and guide me in my way :'(
please.

I dowan to live like this.
I hate to regret so much of thing.

should I repair the video?
should I? :'(

the midnight again.

to the juniors.
appreciate ur days in school.
please, please please.
Save every single pics u've taken.
don delete it.
It's a precious memoriess.

one more year for my secondary school life.
i'm almost F5 now.
and the end of my secondary school life will soon reach in a blink of eye.
the days with school uniform gonna end,
and u'll be head-aching which course to choose,
which college, uni to go..
or continue and masuk F6?
talked with mommy about those things,
bro asked me before..
what to do after F5.
I say dono, very blur.
and he said he was once like me :)

I hate I could never stop the time.
I can only appreciate it :(
I really treasuring what I'm having now :(
Sometimes I did complain..
But still I appreciate.

I've been a long time,
Didn't feel that mom doesn't love me at all..
Last time,
I hurt her alot.
Mommy, sorry :(
and dad.
I need time to forgive, and love you more..
Cause u're not like mommy so nice to be with :(
Whenever u're saying ur body aching,
A lot works to do,
Teeth aching and can only eat those potatoes, taufu etc.
Heart feeling pain :(
and I couldn't do anything. :(
I'm not afraid that I will become older.
I do afraid that both my parents grow older.
Wrinkles everything comes out.
the feeling very sucks :(

what happen to me?
owhh.
yea,
Did watch drama just now :)
yea.
KOREAN DRAMA =.=
stories is special..
and again I have to say.
Too GOOD to be true and happen in reality :)
I know it's fake.
I know I shouldn't watch anymore..
But I can't tahan.. =.=
Sis do want mom too boring at home..
and download so many movies for her.
sighhh :(
I dowan go through my holidays with dramas =.=
tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow,
I wonder which TOMORROW gonna be the day I do revision.
LAZY LAZY LAZY.
aiyeeeesh. ! =.=

if tomorrow never comes by ronan keating.
this make the midnight romantic :)
I love the lyrics.
Meaningful.. :)
Imagine,
ur love one sing this to you..
playing piano and dedicate this song to you..
you think back ur memories with him and got touched.
am I expert in day-dreaming?
YES I DO.


No doubt,
Seriously grow up a lot..
so a lot :(
AIYEESSH. =.=


again the lonely night.
with kai ru the only sakai who will stay up late :)
we're the night cats.
and now is 4.04am..
sorry people,
I find it weird to sleep early :(

sigh.
soon will off to bed :)

now only I know,
my blog taught people a lot of things.
still :)
I asked myself to be proud of it.
this is the way we learn :D

little cuty wish.

weeeee :D

new song for my blog.
Forever in love,
By Kenny G.
A saxophonist,
sexayy.!

If I've the chance to learn saxophone,
the first song I wanna learn will be this song ;)
It had been my phone's ringtone for quite a long time :O
and I remember many people has this ringtone with me..
And everytime I heard this song,
I tot my phone is ringing =.=

Nice rite? :D
Guy who plays saxophone is the sexiest for me.
Piano the second XD
My future man,
I seriously hope he knows some instruments
:O

Saxophone!
Sexayy and nice :D
Mummy love it too ;D
I'm affected by her actually
hehehe :)
Wanna earn money as lot as I can next time.
Buy my very first saxophone..
I learn and I teach my mom :D
Or sent my mom to learn it XD
I can't wait for the day.

I wish,
My children will know a lot of instruments.
Like LEE HOM :D
I would've prepare a room for them..
Inside got lot of instruments.
and for sure,
It will be a WHITE GRAND PIANO there.
and,
A WHITE VIOLIN.
it's nice for this two instruments to be in white ;D
I've saw one white violin in Jusco Yamaha centre
But I dono how to play :D
If not for sure I'll be demanding for it :D

My house must be a banglo house,
My parent and parent-in-law,
will be leaving with me
and a Musical room for my children..
Imagine that.
It's so amazing :D

If 2012 never comes,
I do hope the these little cuty wishes will be accomplished.
Needa work hard :O
It used a lot of money,
and follow what God have arranged for me.
I wish,
my husband will be a super FREAKING nice one :D

OMG.
I'm thinking too far again.
SOWIE ;D
I enjoy myself for day-dreaming everyday.
I'm so soli XD

SIAO :S

it's almost 2 am now.
I'm still not in the mood to bed.
may be finish blogging,
only off :)

again,
I emo again. :(
sigh.
I wish there's someone who's as siao as me.
at 2am still not sleeping..
wanna find someone to chat...
yet all's sleeping :(
I'm not alone actually.
But I made myself so alone =.=

I just feel that.
I'm so lousy in everything.
Seriously dislike to put in effort in order to succeed.
Yea, I'm lazy.. :(
I've told you all,
I'm too afraid of those problems :(
I wanna try but I escape it finally :S
I hate, I hatE!
Absolutely hating it!!
:'(

November gonna end.
Promised myself to revise some form 4 stuff,
and use this holiday wisely.
But ended up everyday with lot of excuses.
No doubt,
I'm lazy.
It's driving me to hell =(
How good if u can succeed without putting any efforts.
Tat's impossible.
I know :(
Sorry, I'm just escaping.

I wan go for shopping,
Buy whatever I want..
Don't care for the price,
or cogitate whether it suits me anot.
I saw I like,
then I buy.
AND SOMEONE WILLING TO PAY IT FOR ME.
NO NO NO.
it's not gonna happen =.=
I wish what happen in drama will happen in reality too.
those rich and wealthy one,
Buy whatever things they want,
as long as they've a credit card =.=
If I use my dad's credit card to buy everything I want.
I'll be chased out :)
Seriously wanna try :(
It's a way to release ur stress..
Not only fulfill what you want,
But also release ur stress too :(
How good is it?
Who don't wish for that?
Stupid lar if you dowan =.=

sigh,
again Im day-dreaming for those un-logic stuff. =.=
watched too much dramas.
SIGH.
how good lar if it really happens!!
TUT. :/

off to bed finally :(
Asked mummy not to let me wake up at noon =.=
I'll be feeling regretted for wasting my time again.
I've been a couple of days not eating my breakfast.
you know,
MY LUNCH IS MY BREAKFAST.
MY BREAKFAST IS MY LUNCH.
Applause, lai lai lai!
When I on fb whenever I woke up,
The SPM candidates had updated their status :O
get what I mean?
People finished 2 papers only I woke up :)
Am I amazing?
WEE :D

Off to bed.
I'm serious.
Really off-ing to bed.
Yes I am.
Please trust me -.-
I'M SERIOUS.

argh, siao of feeling too bored.!

A-BU-JIAK! :D

emo emo emo

korean drama,
heart feeling pain whenever I finished all the episodes.
It's with happy ending,
My heart is still in pain.
I'm weird.
And the feeling is more complicated :(
It makes me so freaking emo now.

how good if everything can happen like wad u've seen in drama.
whenever u're sad, happy, angry, feeling so helpless.
and another one appear.
even though he's with a bad purpose,
but it seriously warms ur heart.
and the end the both of them fall in love..
the drama ended with a happy ending.

alright.
don't says that I'm silly.
I am silly indeed :)
How good if things can happen like wat's happening in drama,
a fairytale love story,
everyone hopes for it. :(
sorry,
am day-dreaming =.=
things that happened in drama seemed to be very easy,
but actually it isn't.
no wonder some parents don allow their children to watch too much dramas.
seriously got no advantage =.=
It makes u dream more about those un-logic things.
but, why it can't happen in reality :(

those setbacks seriously made me downcast.
don't feel like getting up anymore.
wanna be tough,
yet it's seriously not an easy thing :(
I asked others to be tough.
yet to take action,
it will be harder than what you said...




the best motivation video ever.
'' if I fail and I gave up, do you think I'm able to get up? NO.''
what he said touched me.
Edison, a well know inventor.
He invented the electric light bulb,
which wad we're using now..
Someone told me,
he've tried more than hundred times.
and us?
not more than 5 times and we gave up.
To brace up and get up,
The strength and the motivation are seriously important.
I noe I shouldn't give up easily.
But I'm lost without the strength and the motivation.
I though I'm good,
But actually I'm not.
Being too confident,
Sometimes it will lead u too the biggest disappointment.

One day,
I wish to tell people,
I get up myself.
I braced up myself.
With no mercy from others,
and I did everything myself and I got successful.

It's a little frustration.
Why am I getting so furious and feeling gloomy for it?
I dowan to fail the second time.
I hate to know that,
When I fall I have to find someone to brace myself up.
I'm now 16 years old :'(
When I got to be independent?
Mummy will not always be with me.
Friends will one day got annoyed for all my problems.
I'm the most important one for myself when I've problem.
It's just the beginning of the journey of my life.
I've a lot to go.
Giving up so easily will lead me to succession?
I need the strength.
God, guide me :(

Tears which can express everything out.
But it isn't something which can help you everytime.
It helps you to get better,
but now solving all the problems.
Crying doesn't solve all the matters.
It shows how fragile you are.

SPM next year.
I think I'll collapse again like wad happened during PMR.
Piano next year.
And now I got stressed.
I do not really enjoy it anymore,
why ? :'(
Saw others who learned music,
they're so addicted to it.
Why didn't I ?
No one exerts pressure on me.
I request too much succession to myself.
I wanna prove to my parents.
But it's like,
I did everything for them. :(
When I'll know,
Everything I worked hard is for my own good?
I'm afraid to fail.
But if I'm so coward to try everything.
I'm not gonna success :(

I wish to be independent.
Not to dream that there's a shoulder for me to lean on.
Not to dream that there's a muscular chest for me to lean on.
Not to dream that there will be a warm hug for me to cry and express everything out.
I dowan to act like I'm very tough.
I wanna be the seriously tough one. :(

God,
guide me please.
I hate to fall down again.

the naked truth =(

truth.
get to know what it means.
it hurts people,
it's an unacceptable fact,
and even no one will accept it.


fakeness.
it's too kind,
people accept it,
and even feel more comfortable with it.



a naked truth.
is always the unacceptable one.



I wonder,
should I be true anymore.
as I knew I hurt people again.
So,
keep it and express out my feeling with someone.?
no.
it considered as betraying ur friend.
so..
wad can I do?

choose.
be true to u = I hurt you and u'll dislike me.
be fake to u = I betray you, u dono and I'm still ur friend.
i'm curious if this case happening on me.
which should I choose.
and people,
which u willing to choose? :)


sad to know that.
I'm not able to comfort my own friend.
sad to know that.
when I sad,
the first who I share my problems with.
will never be my best friends..
I looked so pathetic actually..
hehe haha here and there.
chat with this abit,
laugh with that abit..
when come to my problems,
I seriously dono who to talk with.
cuteNYA.
well, not ur fault.
it's my problem..
I blame no one for this...
:)

It's almost 4.30am now,
Im still not sleeping yet.
Why?
cause my fb and msn is on-ing.
nice excuse..
Keep on refreshing my home page in fb.
I got nothing to do but haven't off =)
Good job.
Applause please.. :)
Off to bed ba..
nitez everyone...

accept it or ignore.
try it..
I've tried,
I've ignored..
and now I seriously forgotten,
wat's happening last time .

holidays!

hey, I'm back again!
am free from every burdens. :D
exam finally OVER.
f5 is leaving :(
aihs, next year is my turn to be taken pic with.
i'll miss u all.
especially my prefects seniors..
thanks for everything tat contributed by u all =)
good luck in ur SPM.!

anyway,
had a great day yesterday..
with dear the whole day..
for her bday :)
enjoyed it very much.
especially the DPC's tom yam..
u wouldn't know how SPICY isit if u dont try it..
anyway,
super CHI GEK.
HOT AND SPICY.
love it super much.
as i've expected to eat tom yam for a long time.
and tat day was a COLD DAY.
awwwww,
i miss it seriously..
yes u're right.
i got my natural sexy lips again.
Nop,
didnt use any lipstick..
when i eat spicy things,
for sure my lips will be swollen in red!
it's super nice.. :O

skipped school today.
when I woke up,
people was gonna end their school time -.-
Slept late and woke up late.
this is the super good habit...
u dono how popular isit,
it's happening to every teenagers.
NO LA,
its exaggerating.. :P
ALMOST every lar XD

anyway,
THANKS GOD.
i can get scholarship next year again.!
my average marks is ngam for the conditions given.
thanks PMR.
You scared me last year,
and now I not dare not to study for exam :O
and I wonder how deadly will the future students be -.-
Form 3 no PMR..
good is no nid stress..
bad is they wouldn't have a lesson for it.
as ur basic is sucks.
u're just gonna suffer...
hope those students can learn about this.
concentrate about studies..
if not,
the one who cries are the one who fail.

this holiday,
mummy ask me to study :O
today baru start lar..
and.
holiday..
HAHAHA.
housework almost all I did :(
I've to help mom,
but im seriously lazy :S
December den have to pack my house..
something like gotong-royong like tat.
and i'm gonna see a lot of ashes for cockroaches..
mummy put a lot of those poison things to let them die :O
I HATE THEM SO FREAKING MUCH. -.-
black and smelly like hell..
and now,
MICE in my house.
ad caught one,
and seemed the number increasing..
we found another two..
one die today..
another one still hiding..
mummy bought one cage.
i'm expecting to see how they'll be caught inside the cage.
they're actually cute.
but being in my house.
u're just ugly and dirty u little SHIT.
=.=

SPM next year.
I HATE IT.
:(
I cannot withstand the stress..
I cannot face it.
PMR a small test.
I cried for two hours for the stress =.=
I just hope.
my SPM result wont be tat SUCKS.
as my mom spend money for my tuition,
and everything on me :(
I wish I'll make her proud..
I do love her seriously :)

I said I'm gonna study for this holiday.
OOOOH.
can I do it -.-?
I need someone to press me.
if not I wont move.
when I'll be independent HUH.


sigh.
things tat I've lost.
please appear as soon as possible..
GOD, please.
let it appears.
thanks for my bio tuition notes to appear again..
this time.
I prayed again.
I hope I didnt lost it..
I'm seriously guilty for it T.T
please my dear Lord :(
I hope I found it one day.
the best is tomorrow...
please..
I'm so guilty for it :(

off to bed,
nites people!

tat's the fact.
ignore, accept, improve.
i got my style..
im good enough for those thing to happen =.=
anyway,
i'll just improve myself more and more.
I shouldn't be caring bcuz of the small matter.
I know,
this is how we learn :)